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maintaining a perspective

Key Economic Terms

Economics, a definition:  Economics has been described as a "dismal science.”  The economy would be a lot less dismal if it would figure out a way to transfer more wealth my way.  

Economic Forecasting:  Its only function is to make astrology look respectable.

Money Supply:  This is what others have and you do not.

Stock:  Something that is worth $29.95 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $9.95.

Interest:  When banks loan you money, they take a lot of interest in you paying them back. When you deposit money in the bank, they do not express much interest.

Commission: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.

CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer.

Institutional Investor: Past year investor who is now locked up in a nuthouse.

Stock Analyst: The Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Long Term Investment:  A short term investment that failed.

Momentum Investing: Buying high and selling low.

Value Investing:  Buying low and selling lower.

Profit: An archaic term no longer in use.

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market: A 6-16 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

Technical analysis:  Drawing a crooked line from an unproved assumption to a foregone conclusion.

Disposable Income:  This is the part of your income that vanishes right down the garbage disposal - in other words, all of it.

Retirement Income:  This is the combination of private and government programs that will enable you, at age 70, to go to work for Wal-Mart.

Capitalism:  This is a system where, if you had a lot of money, you could invest it in a company like Enron and lose it all.

Socialism:  This is a system where, for the good of the common people, all services such as medicine, shelter, and dental services are all free. Many countries experiment with socialism until they get tired of being poor, and then they try capitalism until they have money, and then they try socialism again.



Wizard of Aaahhs